Riding the bus is good. It just reminds me of how much better it is to ride a bike.

Bus trip

Sitting on a bus on my way to uvu after work because my bike got a flat tire on my commute. This resulted in having to get dad to pick me up and take me to work. It really sucks when crap like this happens.  I feel like I should be more independent when I ride. If I am going to commute by bike I need to be able to handle situations like this better. 
Also I need to get a better understanding of how the bus system works so that I can take advantage of it when my bike is out of commission like this.
I am really starting to realize that I need a working bike no matter the costs. I am so much more stable and happy when I have a bike rolling. I miss having a bike that is a joy for me to ride. I want my fixed gear wheel to get here soon!

School feels like it is falling apart on me. I don't know what I am going to do...

I have realized that a problem of mine that I seem to have is that I get overwhelmed too easily. I seem to get the most work done in a space that exists between having enough work and too much. The problem is that when I get too much work I get overwhelmed, feel like I can't do it,  therefore I don't do it. I would like to learn more effective ways of dealing with this stress in positive ways.
Maybe I should read a book.

Bridge

I am really into this picture I took of a bridge I drove over while in San Francisco.

so glad to be home and have this whole nightmare over (well it wasnt THAT bad but still its nice to be home alive)
now I just need to figure out how to pay for this whole thing. I should have enough money, but for a trip I didnt even want to go on in the first place I dont want to spend alot of money.

now I have the rest of the week to worry about.
axial myology lab quiz on Tuesday that I havent even begun to study for....

a math test and anatomy lecture quiz on Wednesday....

and the anatomy lab midterm on Saturday....

I am so not excited for this.

I really wanted to have some downtime this weekend. instead I got to sit in a car for 12 hours to drive to a wedding and then 12 more hours to drive back.
I really dislike feeling this because I feel like I should be more supportive and excited for sam. but at the end of the day I am not going to see that guy again and I have a ton of school to get caught up on.

california wedding

Spent the past two days in Oakland California for Sam's wedding.  I have been kind of dragging my feet this whole trip due to the fact I have had a ton of school work to take care of.
Been stressed about school and ha king enough time to study then on top of that taking a break to drive 13hrs out to California for a wedding.
The drive out to California went with out a problem on Friday but Saturday things quickly went down hill. We drove Jakes car out to breakfast but on the way back to the hotel Jakes car broke down. The clutch became fried (cause Jake sucks at driving manual) and unable to shift leaving us in California with obligations to meet the coming Monday.
Scott pulled through and called his dad for AAA assistance to get us towed to the nearest Honda service center. We were lucky to have the majority of the parts to fix it up but the repairs were looking like it would take longer than a day meaning we would not leave until Tuesday morning.
This caused us to rent a car for our return trip.

All black

Been wearing all black lately and I kind of like the simplicity in my wardrobe.

Yesterday's highnote

Stripping my spoke nipple sucked but looking on the bright side there was one highlight yesterday.
After work I decided to stop by the collective and see how things were going (also to see if my mission workshop bag finally came. I didn't). Chris was working that shift and had been there all day and wanted to go grab a bite to eat. I stayed behind and watched the shop while he was gone.
Shortly after he left a gal came in from BYU wanting to do some interviews for the historical archives. She was interested in cycling in Utah and interviewed me about my experiences and thoughts of cycling. She asked me a range of questions from why I cycled, when I started, what I like about it, and a bunch of other things.
It will be interesting to see what makes it in to the books and how my statements will be interpreted by future generations.

Blegh.... stripped spoke nipple

Pretty bummed about this. I don't know where I went wrong and that is the thing that is bugging me the most. I wish I knew what I was doing so I could have avoided this fiasco all together, but I suppose that is the cost of learning.

I really can't wait for my new wheel to come. I have been dying to get back on my fixed gear.

Maybe I will just rebuild this wheel myself so I know in the future how to avoid this all together.

If only I had the time to rebuild this wheel.....

It is funny to me how I delude myself into thinking certain choices will make me happy.

After spending the day in bed I had some time to think about what life should be about. Things I want my life to be about.
I think life should be lived with vigor and curiosity. 
Life should be about learning.
And life should be enjoyed and *lived*
When I say enjoyed I don't want to be confused with pleasure. Pleasure is too seductive and intoxicating for me to let it guide my life.
But does this mean that happiness should guide my life? Lately my answer would be no, happiness is too fleeting and fickle to let guide your life. 
I find it easier to forego happiness in some cases. 

Still thinking about what I want this to be.  Lately I have been using it to record the mundane details of my life. But is that all a journal should be? Is there more that I should be writing? I Think that in the end as long as I am getting something down I am in the right track but there are some ideas floating around that I want to get posted here. 

School

Slept in again today. I think I need to start getting better sleep. Maybe taking melatonin supplements will help me out. 

Seasons: we are orbital. We will see the sun again.

Movie with mom

Went and saw "looper" with mom tonight. It was a good movie and it was good to get out of the house at least once today.

In bed all morning

Woke up for school this morning but I somehow ended up staying home in bed. Am I unhappy ? Is there some subconscious turmoil going on that I an unaware of?

Autobiography

I would like to read an autobiography. Learn from heroes of mine nuggets of wisdom to emulate in my life.
Zac liked teddy Roosevelt's autobiography. Maybe I should check it out too.
I have also thought about reading Issac Asimov autobiography.

Ahhh where to start....
Dad spoke with me about the situation with mom. His dissatisfaction and sadness with the whole situation makes me wall up my feelings.
I find it conflicting in situations like this that I don't feel much. I think it is a way I deal with the stress of it all. Just sit behind a wall of stoic indifference. Years of practice has made me a pro at this.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to feel. I mean *really* feel.
Between my indifference and my nature to avoid conflict I really don't want to do anything about the situation with mom and dad. Further I just find myself avoiding other opportunities in my life as well. It really isn't a good way to deal with problems.
I should start dating. But I don't want to feel. Rejection.

Photo roll

Here are some photos I took.
Reshared from my instagram feed

diary

I like the idea of a diary. to save and keep memories and ideas from my life. however I often struggle with feelings of anxiety. anxiety from letting too much information out. I feel more secure keeping the detail of my life secure. but on the other hand keeping and recording the doings of my life is also important to me. I would like to keep an online journal of sorts.
I feel more secure of keeping a private bogger account than a actual notebook as only I will be able to see it and it will be more private. (my writing sucks, but hopefully with time and confidence it will flow better and I will develop a more natural prose)

stay tuned for more

Carl Sagan's Reading List

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/07/11/carl-sagan-reading-list/

I need to pick up a few of these from the library.